and this is my story

2009-05-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

ALAS. i have collected the gown. 20 days to go before it is official
i did it.

2009-04-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

i feel like having egg tarts.
yum

2009-04-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

i miss school. seriously

2009-04-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

dear online. diary,

yes its been a while. and so a little update, im currently unemployed. and no i didnt make it for nie. sobs. it is weird how you have everything plan out so perfectly in your tiny mind and thrn watch it come to a brutal crash in just a second. One thing i fear the most is rejection. and again it came slamming in my face. sheeeshhh. why cant they just give me a break. give me a chance larr.

but anyways, what is done is obviously done and can not be undone no matter how hard i pray that they sent me the rejection letter by mistake ( %&^*()&Y*H!!! )

there is nothing that i can do but to accept the fact and to MOOOOOOVEEE ON.

im glad i came terms with the rejection. i took it pretty hard honestly. maybe because everyone has been so positive about it and maybe because i wanted to prove to a few that i do have something in me. but im glad that the self pity phase is over (:

now im more driven to accompolish something for myself. be it something new or re applying to nie, im ready. im ready to battle. i have already packed my bag with the feel good armour and im setting off for the war.

ironically, im glad things turn out this way. life is abit more exciting this way dont you agree?

2009-03-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

got tired of the crab claws clinging on my neck and so u i decided to straighten them out (:
hehe. the last time i got my crazy claws of hair straightened was a half a decade back right after i ended my o's. good grieve, time do pass by ever so quickly. btw, i need to thank my greatest sahabat AMIRAH. thank you beb. for enduring 4 painful hours in the salon while waiting for my hair to be tame and not even once complained abt it. seriously thank you thank you thanks!

and for your info, i snipped out the bangs my self. yes yes, kudos to me for such a brilliant job. the side part didnt do me any good as it highlighted my receding hairline ( boo hoo ) and thus i dared myself to chop it off!

and so,
how do i look? (:

2009-01-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

anyways,
just a little update ( not like anyone care. hah )
i got HFMD la!

yes,
i got hand foot mouth disease
and no its not only applicable to kids.
got a good 10 days mc (OMG)

and im bored being a prisoner at home :(
boredom really force me to eat la! (no its not an excuse)
i find myself scrambling into the kitchen
to find something to eat every 5 mins!

thats pure madness !

-_-

2009-01-28T04:45:00.000-08:00

baik ah yani

2009-01-28T03:23:00.000-08:00

Lets Breathe

2009-01-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

dearest atuk,
i love you and
i miss you so much!
i hope you like the
pretty flowers i got
you (:

LOVE YOU ALWAYS TOK

2008-12-28T01:02:00.000-08:00

it was a imprompt gathering and surprisingly many turned up!
it was great to see them all again despite only for a short couple
of hours. it was nice to catch up knowing what everybody is up
too. 4 years it has been.. i cant believe how fast time flies!

anyways we took only a couple of pictures but its better than
nothing! haha. we headed back to yuying to take a shot with the
school and samme got the guard to help us with it. haha the
uncle was nice :)

me, DR PAT(patricia), xiuwen and gek gek

samantha, xiuwen, shi hui, yinghui, kerwin, gek kim, patricia and me!

looking forward for more gatherings!

2008-12-26T05:55:00.000-08:00

we had art lesson the other day and i invited barney to class :)

2008-12-20T04:15:00.000-08:00

'wah teacher yani, how come ur phone like coffin one?'

that was what my student said upon seeing my ubber cool
polyphonic phone

kids these days..
i just smiled and told him to shut up :)

so far so good even though it gets tiring at times
if you dont already know,
i am currently working full time as a child care teacher.
hah. yeap.

its teacher yani okay...

i bribe kids with stickers and sweets but even so u can hear me
screaming at them.

and oh yes, watching supper nanny had thought me something oh
so magical.
NAUGHTY CHAIR!

yes, they will be pulled to a corner to sit at the naughty chair if they are
yes, naughty.. duh.

hah.

they cry when i scold them but yet offer me a kiss from time to time
when they feel like it ( awww... sweet kan. hee )

even though they pay me peanuts for 10 hours of work everyday,
the kids made it worth while.

sometimes they are so cute i wished i could hide a few inside my bag
and bring them home!

anyways,
let me show you my precious sweethearts aite (:

2008-11-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

2008-11-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

its cute when cute kids find themselves cute.

2008-11-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

i got back home yesterday night from work and my mum informed me about a tragic news.
i was shocked to hear that one of my relative got into an accident on his bike and had
passed away. even though i never had spoken anything to him before, knowing of his
existence is enough to make me grieve for this sudden lost.

worse still, he is just about my age and he is the only son. he is my cousin's cousin and i
know that a bunch of them are really tight together. it is hard to imagine the sorrow
and grieve they all have to go through at this period of time.

im still am in shock. its like something u read in the newspaper thinking tradegy as such
wont ever happen to those around you but this time, it did.

i dont really know him to say anything about him, but i know he was a good guy and
meant alot to many of them.

this just prove how delicate our lives really are. no one had expected this to happen
but it did. may the family stay strong and face this heartbreaking period bravely together.

Semoga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.
Amin

Al-fateha

2008-10-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

this hari raya was heartbreaking
at times i forgot that you are really gone
sometimes i do feel that this is all a bad dream
and that one day i will get to meet you again
i miss you so much

but i know you are at a better place now

thanks everyone for your condolences and for
those thoughtful messages.

it did make me feel much better. thank you :)

you will always be in my heart

2008-09-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

this was taken during my first birthday,

it's a photo of us both smiling (:

it has been 3 days and its getting harder.

i miss you so much.

going to nenek house is just different without you.

i go to bed every night now wishing i will dream of you.

tok, nani sayang tok..

I love you

2008-09-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

bismillah,
it was around 11.15 this morning and my dad woke us up in a hurry, your aunt's crying he said.

me and sue woke up and ran down. we didnt bring our keys so we were knocking frantically at the door. i heard my aunt and my grandma crying from outside. i was scared. mum rushed down with the keys and we got in.

we rushed into the room
and i knew datuk had left us.

i didnt managed to say good bye to him..

i looked at him and he looked so peaceful..
i miss him.

it was a shock..i know my datuk has been ill but i really didnt expect him to go today..

more like i didnt want him to.. im still trying to sink in the fact that datuk is really gone..

datuk and nenek took care of us when we were little. i still recall those days when he sent us to school and how we spent thursdays afternoon watching WWF. i remembered vividly the days he would tell us stories about how life was during WW2. I miss his sarcastic remarks, his witty jokes..him telling us not to run around inside the house...i miss watching chinese action film with him..learning how to speak jawe from him.. combing his hair..feeding him his porridge.. kissing him goodbye whenever i visit him..hugging him.. im guilty for not spending more time with him..
but i know he is now at peace.

Semoga roh datuk dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.

Amin.

Al fateha

i love you, tok.

2008-08-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

wooohoooo!

2008-08-06T04:22:00.000-07:00

something totally random

it wasnt all that bad, it was great!

2008-07-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

and down goes the sun again

2008-07-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

the tiny vessel in my mind popped.

2008-07-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

was on the way home with the little sister the other day back from hougang and there we were in the bus sitting still amongst eleven other odd strangers. i forgot what was on but prolly it was some local chinese drama which had everyone glued to it (even my sister) except me. i had consultation with james and cy the next day and i have barely anything worthy to show. it hit me hard and i lost it..

i screamed.
yes in the silent bus with drama fanatic aunties.

things i think about before i go to bed

2008-07-15T07:41:00.001-07:00

malay barbers, wah caya sama lu ah!

untill its over, there wont be peace

FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP

i see the light

2008-07-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

2008-07-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

i carried my big butt of the ground and made it all the way to whampo. thanks to my wonderfullest aunty and cousin i manage to get a few good shots. from barbers, to kids at the void deck, everything was fun. it is nice to have some family support. it made things less scary. 2 more months and everything will end. 2 more months.

insyaallah in 2 more months all ends well.

2008-07-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

bismillah.
wish me luck
im off to meet james now..
with nothing.

aku suke

2008-07-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

FYP OI.

2008-06-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

just so you know

2008-06-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

been a while since both of us last hangout. as usual its filled with lots and lots of gossips and funness. haha. however, we're sadened by this specific emptiness. we have tried to figure out the reason but we failed. we want to know why. how did we get here? but i guess we both wont know. we are waiting to be enlightened. we are hoping for a change.

p.s : for the record, we miss you

2008-06-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

oh i love this.

2008-06-16T06:34:00.000-07:00

met up with gek kim the other day for another photoshoot for her online shop along with aveline and i like! haha. hougang stadium is fun. unlike in serangoon stadium with busy body uncle with nothing to do but chase people out. besides this 'chi ko peck' uncle who was whispering weird stuff that sent creeps up gek geks sleeves everything else was great! we proceed back to kovan later on that day while meiting went home and i've realised its been a long time since i actually went there.

there's mc cafe???!! new york new york???!! no more delifrance??!! and kfc has renovated???!! haha. gek kim was like, yes yani... yes yani... when was your last time here?

haha.we sat and laughed about our secondary school days when gek gek saw huiming walking past. what a coincidence that is! just short of shi hui if not it would totally be a random shinikim mongave reunion! hehe. and yes, do take a look at gek kim's shop.

http://erikokoh.livejournal.com/

later!

adorable attention seekers

2008-06-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

edited (:

2008-06-04T11:32:00.001-07:00

had a photoshoot for gek gek last week and i like!

2008-06-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

MULAN - I'll Make A Man Out Of You

did i mention i LOVE mulan?
this song is simply motivating (:

2008-05-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

just like that

2008-05-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

2008-04-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through lots of photos and i came across this particular one which i ummm actually adored. haha. this was in malaysia a few months (or maybe a year) back. late night supper-ing with the family. no wonder i look so sickly happy (: wee!

over the weekend the other day, the ladies from the house decided to head of to sengkang for a shopping spree (mum included of course. incase ur wondering how i get to the word spree) but we got bored at compass and made a imprompt trip to MUSTAFA!

mum bought like so many many chocolates and my favourite indian sweet treat, SOAN PAPDI!! its insanely delightful i tell you. white, soft flakely sweets that is topped with pistachio nuts with a tiny hint of ginger that simply melts in ur mouth! i got the mum to bought like a half kilo's worth and IM SO HAPPY ! haha.

tag me if you wanna try some. if ur lucky, i might just share.
i might....

2008-04-28T00:16:00.000-07:00

2008-04-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

buon giorn.
mi chiamo yani.
io studio communicasione visual
il mio diploma e abbanstanza difficile.

back to school,
year 3.3

2008-04-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

i wont worry my life away .

2008-04-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

FROM YANI TO HERSELF,
SCHOOL IS OFFICIALLY
STARTING IN
24 HOURS.

YOU CAN DO IT DAMN IT!
HOOORAY!

I LOVE SCHOOL

sometimes i just wonder

2008-04-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

talk about random-ness

2008-03-16T09:18:00.001-07:00

i use to own 3 pairs of glasses.
but i broke 2 of them while rolling in bed.
haha.

i feel like switching back to glasses.

2008-03-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

ultimately, my life is my game - yani

2008-02-28T22:48:00.000-08:00

i was going through my past entries over the years
and i realised i do motivate myself a lot. yes like a whole lot.
cause i figured by now, if you cant believe in yourself.

well, who will?

the race is not over yet.

miracles can only happen if you're willing to work for it.

all set yani?

ready, on your mark GO!

and so, here i go again.

for the very last time,making sure things do turn out alright.

numbers and alphabets cannot justify what im capable of.

im not going cry im not going to listen to them.

im not going to watch them kill my dream.

cause, i know i have something inside of me burning to be discovered

change

i have to got to change my ways

work

i have to work hard

believe

i will be believe

ultimately,my life is my game.

the game is not over yet.

i will win it.

with honour, dignity and glory.

now, i shall print this out

burn it and drink its remains.

i can't possibly break my own promise

i will keep on going.

and one day, you will know me.

even though, its not my best one yet, im proud of me.

i will always be.

- retreived october 4th 2006

im still holding on

Please do not freak out

2008-02-28T11:27:00.001-08:00

this was during basic photo in year 1

after rejecting 14 rolls of my film

i managed to pull through and he

finally accepted this 2 rolls

14 X 36 you do the math!

2008-02-28T11:27:00.000-08:00

its coming

2008-02-25T07:06:00.000-08:00

i fell in love with sengkang

i miss those days

2008-02-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

sue sue was prolly 2months?
and i was 7 plus 8.
adorable isnt it so?

im talking about me btw.
hahah

2008-02-15T08:20:00.002-08:00

what about this?

haha.

manifestation

2008-02-15T08:20:00.001-08:00

what if i had a beard?
haha, this is part of my experimental digital imaging class project.
im hoping to pass.

270407.05

2008-02-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

i dont even know why im keeping it as a secret.
maybe im fearful of what people have to say?
no...
maybe because it is unexpected.
yes.

it is super duper unexpected.
i do want to let you know.
should i?

KOH GEK KIM!

2008-02-04T02:02:00.001-08:00

SPECIAL ATTENTION TO KOH GEK KIM.

i cant leave a tag on you blog!
haha, yes i saw your shoutout.
i miss hanging out with you people lar!

yani misses her fellow friends!

i fell in love with mr yellow rock.

2008-02-04T02:02:00.000-08:00

2008-02-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

sometime back i accompanied sha the best photo hunting partner buddy to reccee for locations for her shoot. she did her researched and we head to somewhere in punggol and oh boy! it was worth all the sweat!

this is so BIG FISH! and yes, it is all taken in singapore (:

no. we are not fooling around. it was for nadiah's project!

BYE!

back to school

2008-01-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

back to school.
yeah yeah.

and so, it is official that im staying back one more semester. told the mum and she is okay with. phew that is the only thing that matter to me. im not angry to be staying back one more semester. yes shoot me. i mean i cant be cause i caused it upon me. and why should i be devastated? i dont see the point. why brood over it right? i mean, there are people who is doing worst of than me. at least, im working my way to get the diploma. just that, i will get it late. yeap.

im not in denial.
i am just an optimistic arse.

thank you (:
yani never admit defeat. simply because i will never be defeated. yes. never

2007-12-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

had a short getaway trip to indonesia a couple of week's back and a few days later my dearest sue sue was admitted to the hospital due to severe diarrhoea and vomitting.

thank god she is fine now.
alhamdulllilah

sue was 5% dehydrated when she reached the hospital and she is so weak she could barely walk.

we were at the hospital till 4am in the morning and the children and emergency section was crowded. high fevers, broken arm (i dun get it. how can a child broke his arm at 1am? ) diarrhoea, cuts and everything else. looking at the nurses at work reminded me of my ambition to be a nurse a few years back. but well, THAT is another story.

the first day sue got admitted

me and kakak got her get well balloons :)

not forgeting a get well soon card too :)

on christmas eve, 'santa' dropped by. but my sister and i had to run an errand and my mum didnt know how to use my camera and thus no pictures :( but the nice guy in red did leave some presents! well that is all that matters rite? heh

sue sue opening her gifts from the man in red

room 10 ward 46

time to go home :)

thank you nurses :)

2007-12-09T18:38:00.000-08:00

my mum commented that this little boy looks like mawi ,

my sister replied jokingly ' yes, semua lelaki yang botak mak kate macam mawi. nanti kite pergi army camp semua orang macam mawi'

i find it funny. i laughed

2007-12-09T09:26:00.000-08:00

it is scary when you think you know them and then you actually realised you don't.
it is scary.

i need to tell her.how?

2007-11-30T01:20:00.001-08:00

2007-11-30T01:20:00.000-08:00

2007-11-29T19:24:00.001-08:00

its been long since i actually wrote something here.
and today i shall try not to doze off while trying to blog about something or in my case, anything.

oh sheesh. my mind just goes blank! im all alone in the room. half pass 11 in the morning. im bored. i wanna blog but i just dun know what to type. how ironic. i CAN talk to myself but i cant blog. heh. maybe it is the 'words' itself that bores me. you see, i hated composition. i still hate it though. i always struggle with those. its the chunks and blobs of words that got me a panic attack. yeah...thats it. haiz, if only these words are changed with number. how happy would i be.

now talking about numbers. I MISS MATHS AND PHYSICS. in those days whereby i can easily figure and calculate the answers in the TYS, i felt SMART. seriously, i feel dumb now. OH NO. no no, i have to think positive. what i meant to say was, i felt smartER then. YEAH. thats more like it.

anyways, things have been going on and stuff is getting complicated by the seconds. how i wish for those carefree life again whereby i wake up in the morning to walk to sch with my 'nenek' and get home to play masak masak with my sister and neigbours.

ooh.. those were the days i told you. while other kids get to play with playdough, my wonderful aunt made for us 'REAL COOKIE DOUGH' to play with. we were given the freedom of what colouring we want our dough to be and after hours of playing and moulding and cutting, we created our own master piece! excited and happy, we carefully baked it to perfection in the mini oven toaster in the kitchen. and ALAS! we devoured our creations in our very own 'teh' parties complete with WANG WANG biscuits.

my wonderaunt was the best aunt i tell you! she simply knows what entertain us little kids and at the same time keep us out from her way. haha. she got us each a cloth. nothing but i big piece of cloth. amanda(my childhood friend cum neighbour) got this black glittery see through cloth, i got something blue and red i think i my sister's was blue too i think. anyways, we called the game 'kain-kain' which literally means 'cloth-cloth' and how its being played was merely from our very own creative imagination!! haha. we would wrap ourselves in those cloths and randomly act out to god knows what. haha. and at the end of the day, i will remember amanda getting rashes due to dust and my datuk will apply this magical powder in his room to poor amanda. all red now, she will be sitting in front of the fan. and kids being kids, we even have our own seats! amanda's would be in front of the fan since she always have rashes while my sister's would be next to her. they each have you know, those individual arm chair. while mind was a little bit far off from them. mind was close to the tv. hehe. and yes mind was the 3 sitter chair. haha. but no no, my seat was 1 of those 3. get it? nevermind.

and yes, i do have a wonderful childhood come to think of it. we were creative child i tell you. there are many other games such as 'mother chick and the children' 'make up make up' 'crocodile catch' that we personalised and enjoyed. i think that is how children grew to be creative. i mean look at now for instance. with the advance technology of games, kids to not have to think up of their own games. we just follow rules to win. yes. that is what the society wants from us isnt it so.

follow the rules.

but let me tell you something. at times, it is good to break those rules. after all, you do know that some rules were meant to be broken dont you?

2007-11-14T23:03:00.000-08:00

mohd iqbal, mohd aqmal.

2007-11-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

geylang on sale.

2007-11-14T22:49:00.000-08:00

before

after

i gave sue a haircut.

2007-11-14T22:40:00.000-08:00

2007-11-14T22:33:00.000-08:00

2007-10-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

2007-10-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

the best pic for the day!

2007-10-16T02:48:00.000-07:00

2007-09-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

and i wonder, who are they?

isnt it frustrating when someone told you that someone came
looking for you and after they describe about the person
you have absolutely no bloody idea who they are?

and it is bugging me right now.
SHHHEEEEESSSHHHH!

2007-09-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

2007-08-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

i took this for my landscape class.
the world is a beauty isn't it?

2007-08-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

it seems ages since i note down anything that had happened.
but then again,
what actually had happened?

oh yes!
my cousin's engangement.
i was asked to be the videographer for the day
haha.

i wanted to be the photographer but they
already hired a pro to do the job.
and thank god they hired the pro
i saw her works online and
it is really far far far away from what
i am capable of.

that is scary.

to know how good the competition
in the industry scares me.
i do not want to be jobless once i graduate.

i know that getting a job would be a challenge.
especially after the talk on fyp with chee yong.

no.
i wont settle with 'just good enough' this time round.
i will have to strive harder.
i will be good, if not the best.

pardon my super ego,
anyways lets move on.

i have decided on doing photo for fyp.
and i have to start saving money from now on.
like seriously.

i have been told that fyp will easily cost me
a thousand if not more.
shucks, there goes my hari raya money.

what has been done have been done.
lets put that aside.
i shall ignore all my previous grades
and start afresh.

further more,
no one has any expectation from me.
thus it will make it more interesting for me.

i will surprise them.
i will shock you.
i will do justice to me.

2007-08-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

2007-08-01T07:14:00.000-07:00

i always wanted to blog.
but once i logged in,

i stone.

irritating la seh.

anyways,
you know that you are really
broke when you have to deposit
10 dollars just to redraw 20.

but not to worry.

LIFE IS GREAT :)

and so,
1 block down
2 more to go.

and thanks to my wonderfullest friends,
i managed to complete my studio shots!

I owe a huge big fat THANK YOU
to sara, nadiah and sharifah!

oh! and to sharon too :)

thanks guys!

especially to nad and sha.
they actually stayed up late
with me in school despite
their own workload
just to assist me

lets all go AWWWWWW

thank you thank you thank you!

yani loves her friends!

2007-07-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

HELLO NEW WORLD

rise and shine

the sun is up again :)

2007-07-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

1253 am.

the scent of hot arabian coffee.
the silent images of men hitting the crap
out of each other.
the innocent squel of cats playing tag
the cold breeze.
the soft velvet like couch.

2 urgent overdue to be projects.
1 important meeting.
1 excuse.

09 hours to work.
18 hours to completion from work.

and here i am blogging away. ( munching on camel peanuts)
i failed myself again.
time over time.
i am a dissapointment to me.
i lack the drive.
i am lazy.
i am full of excuses.

but i have one more chance to prove.
one more chance.
thats all i need.

i will only breathe once i have the diploma in my hands.
i will have it.
i will.
yani will get it.

i was browsing through my earlier post.
i once wrote.

numbers and alphabeths cant judge who i am.

thats is true.
i cant get the numbers and alphabeths be the judge of me.
i know i am capable of better.
maybe, even the best.

let me fall hard now then later.
i have fallen.

now.

i will rise.

2007-07-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

i am hungry.

i want

foooooooood.

2007-06-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

internship is finally over.
YAY!

anyways,
last week a few of the girls wanted to meet up
for a short lets-catch-up-a-little dinner in town.
we agreed on 7pm at orchard mrt.
SURPRISINGLY i was early.
(trust me, i wasn't the only one who was shocked
by my early-ness)

and so overjoyed,
i spread the news only to find out
that everyone else would be a little late
except for huiming who was in orchard library.

just so you know,
i am not a town fanatic
and never will i be.
i dun like the crowd.
i mean, its SO crowded.
maybe i just feel intimidated.
by why should i?
i just do not like being surrounded by youngsters.

wait...does that mean i like being surrounded
by the old men and women?

NO

erm..
okay lets not digress,
back to the story.

i was getting directions
from mong how to get to
the library (yes im that DUMB)
when this young lady stopped me.

initially i thought she was asking for donation,
so i waved a 'no thank you' and moved on.
but since she was still tagging,
i looked at her again and this time
i thought she looked like a foreigner
who was lost and was asking for direction.
not that i could be any of a help,
but its only polite to stop.

i unplug the blasting earphones and
i heard her say something about BOB.

BOB?

she explain to me the situation
and after clarifying that it is
FREE OF CHARGE,
i just couldnt resist but to say

'yes please'

i called mong to check whether she
wanted BOB too cause they have soo
many BOBs to give away.

mong too agreed :)

and so now,
i have BOB.

initially,
i kinda do not like BOB.
lets just say its something different.
but good news is,
many people had told me they
love my BOBBY.

and yes huiming,
i agree.
BOB-ILICIOUS.

aku sungguh tidak tahu malukan?

2007-05-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

i will be smilling and gleeming all day throughout this week.

time do pass by ever so fast.

hehe.

7 weeks down, 1 week to go!
like yayness !

anyways,
this year birthday was kinda sweet.
cause it was mother's day too.
they celebrated it on friday night actually.
sweet suprise i tell you.
but sue kinda gave it away.

kakak called when i was out saying
that mak is MAD at me cause im not home yet.
when she say mak is MAD,
i know im dead.

but sue called back a few minutes later
to ask why im not back yet.
she is such a bad liar lah.
haha, in the end i got a hint
that the mother thing is a lie.

i reached home.
it was dark.
from outside i could see
a nice heart-shaped chocolate cake
lighted up,
innocently placed on the table outside.

i cant help but to smile.

i unlocked the door
and there stood the
whole gang singing me the bday song.
i cant help but to laugh when i saw my
mum swaying from side to side
holding this HUGE TAP LIGHT (god knows
where she got that from. but
according to kakak she actually RAN
to the room to get it when she heard me
unlocking the door. sweet eh? hehe )

and so, the choir sang.
then i was lead to the cake
to blow out the half burnt lighted candles.

i counted it,
GOSH IM NINETEEN SEH.

prize presentation was next.
trust me,
no one is ever too old
for that.

then again,
no one is ever too old for anything.
rite?

RITE.

2007-04-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

and so,

finally 1 month down
1 more to go!

HOO RAY!

haha.
im just waiting for pay day lah.
gotten the timetable.
i have got 3 photo subs this sem.
smile for me :)

right now,
graduating on time is not
a priority anymore.
i JUST want to graduate.

BUCK UP NURYANI BINTE YAHYA.
yes sir.

2007-04-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

internship had started and its been busy busy busy.

btw congrats to all competition teams in ur win.
even though i had nothing to do with it this year,
your BIG WIN is a joy and hope for us.

and yes,
back to internship.

i guess boon lay is just a little too far.
2hrs journey is just enough to get me dozing in the office.
btw im working in ICI DULUX.

and no.
i wont be painting your houses :)

HAHA.
anyways,
the people there are all friendly.
nice nice.

but is it relevant to visual comm?
honestly,
i say its more relevant to IAD.
but wad the heck la.

1 week down.
7more to go.

im wearing heels.
oh no!

2007-03-15T13:27:00.001-07:00

I FREAKING FORMAT MY SD CARD THAT I USE TO KEEP ALL MY FILES.

NOW,

AM I NOT THE DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE?

YANI WHY THE HELL DID U FORMAT UR BLOODY CARD

YOU BLOODY FOOL.

oh gosh.

2007-03-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

MY CATS ARE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK.
oh so adorable la.

anyways.
i am having a splitting headache right now.
things are not going so well as it should.
and yes,

life is unexpected.

but oh wells,
i shall look back and laugh one day.

LETS GO yani.

2007-03-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

the wireless at home really screwed up
and only now did i realise that the internet
plays a important role in my life.

huh?

anyways,
mum bought MIO or something like it
hopefully my sister could get it install soon.

btw im in camp right now..
annual sjab march camp.
miracles of a camp is that
it tires you down but somehow
you do not feel like sleeping.
and when u get home,
you will sleep for like 10 days straight.

put camp aside,
the internship company is yet to reply.
but was chatting with chris my senior
just now and she mentioned that her
company needs a intern.

i am like "oh great! hire me please?!"

she can only confirm with me on wednesday.

please pray that i get it.

thanks.

cause nancy is literally chasing us down.

oh god..
im so not ready for internship.
honestly seriously speaking im
scared out of my wits.
cause i know i will struggle with
one problem.

yes, you know i know
WE ALL KNOW.

yani is never early.
yani is always late.

i mean,
if i am punctual, then that would not be me right?
RIGHT.

2007-02-18T04:37:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2007-02-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

if i fail visual literacy.

I OUGHT TO BE KILLED.

im feeling so guilty.
so much you cant even imagine.
seriously,
IM DRAINED.

hopefully
i would get a internship company.
im trying out for this event company
that nadiah discovered.
lets pray that my portfolio
is up to the standard.

talking about internship,
i just realise that i have to quit
or not take a leave (and never come back? HAHA)
my current part time job
cause i do not think i have any time left
when my attachment starts.

at times i wonder.
what has the world got itself into?
why do they have to make something as though it is so important
when the truth is, it is nothing but a mere selfish act of man?

when paper can make someone
lose their sense of dignity and pride,
won't you agree with me and say,
this world had indeed evolved into
an evil playground where innocent
people like you and me struggle to live.

only to die with regrets
that we have for not taking
the rides that we really to.

for not having fun at the playground,
but instead being a slave to the
man who we perceived as our
master.

the only difference
between him and us is that
he has the money to get us on
whichever thrill ride he wants.

money = power ?

why are we working so hard for when
we can't even get our basic principles
right?

do i make sense?

2007-02-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning all drowsy and exhausted.
BUT. i had a mission.
yeah, a mission.
for the first time in like 10 years
i was excited to go to school.

ifeltlikealittlekidonceagain.

and so,
i literally dragged my butt away
from my god sent mattress and packed my bag
for the day.

halfway there,
my appettite to sastify my lethargic hunger
evovled from within and my heavenly mattress
was just too tempting and i had to excuse myself
for just 5 minutes to lay down.

knowing me, 5 minutes turned to 10 and slowly
10 became 30 and by then i conviced myself i shall
skip class for just once today.

but heck.
i was really looking forward for richard's class somehow.
i like richard.
he is amusing and have many stories to tell.
heh.

im never bored listening to his stories.

anyways,
i did manage to rush and attend for pre press
later on that day.
i was like 40mins late but i made it.

headed for work later on that day.
it was alrite.
i seriously need a new pair of shoes.
i mean, a new pair of non slippery shoes.
i don't want to fall down again.

its so irronic,
the restaurant is fairly rich
but why cant they afford a few more
rubber mats for the safety of their
wonderful staffs?

maybe i should steal my mum's carpet.
HAHA.

btw i reached home a quarter past midnight.
the road was all silent.
the orangy light was just so sensational
and the air smelt ever so fresh.

if i could, i would lie in the middle of the road
on my fluffy matress with my D40 happily tele-porting
my soul capturing the night beauty all over town.
if only..
if only i could.

2007-01-29T07:01:00.002-08:00

2007-01-29T07:01:00.001-08:00

2007-01-29T07:01:00.000-08:00

sometimes you just need a SLAP in the face to wake you up.
and so,
here i go once again.

somebody PLEASE, slap me.

2007-01-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

why can't i communicate.
i talk.
but i don't communicate.

i want to be able to say things like it is.
but im always choking.
the words, sometimes they won't come out right.
how do i make it go away?
its annoying.
irritating and oh so tiring.
i hear the voices inside, but why can't i spill it out?

argh.
and oh yeah,
i had a nightmare.
is there a khim huat road somewhere is singapore or anything?

nani is tired.

2007-01-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

school.

lets not about school.

and so,
its been about 2 weeks since i started work.
well i can't lie and say that
it is the best job in the whole wide world
but working with nice people
certainly turns ur oh so disgusting job
to a oh so digustingly fun job.

HAHA.
im so FUNNY.
okay, shut up yani.
now go do your info design or not
go to sleep.
there's work tomorrow la k.

HAIYOH.
CHIONG AH.

2007-01-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

i stood there, all still and quiet.
very quiet.

i watched as the silence spoke amongst them.
oh crapy-crap.
they knew!
HOW?

the new year had finally arrived.
it seems like only yesterday that 2006 had started.
anyways,
im really getting tired of school.
i don't really know whether i can keep up with it.
i feel sorry for my self.
what the heck is actually my problem?

i guess morning and night class is utterly RIDILCULOUS.
tiring la can?
cds should NOT be in block system.
please,
i can barely have time to breathe.
somehow i feel like FAILING it.
i failed 3 subjects b4.
and if i were to fail this one, it will be the fourth time.
would i be expelled then?

HMM.
maybe i SHOULD get expell.
i mean, i can;t bring myself foward and announce
it to my family that i want to quit.
one, i know my mum would disown me.
two, the rest of my family would just
whine over and over again on why i should not quit.
especially, my oh so LOVING (HAH!) uncle.
i can already see him gleeming.

honestly,
my only passion lies in photography.
and even so i still suck at it.
the rest, graphic design, advertising and stuff.
i can't do it.
im not good enough.
face it yani.
if you are not good enough how to survive?

what?
try harder you say?
yes.
i've tried.
but they are better.
then what now?
should i kill them?
haha.

i guess my biggest mistake is jumping into the big sea of unknown.
i came to design without knowing anything about
the design philosophy what so ever.
then right now,
im struggling just to keep afloat.

so what i really want to do you ask.
BEATIFUL PICTURES.
i want to take beatiful pictures.
i saw my cousin's wedding pictures.
it hit me hard.
somehow im enlightened.
i wanna do that!
i secretly exclaim to myself.
then,
i need to practice and build up my
portfolio.
how if i do not have a DSLR.
well,
i need one QUICK.

btw my dear,
no im not talking abt studi shots.
i HATE studio shots.
i mean unrehearsh shots.
the process of the whole wedding i mean.

future?
yes, i want that to be the starting of my future.
seriously yani,
that's really weak la can.
how do u survive just being a wedding photographer?
sheeshhhhhhhhhhh.

actually there is something else that i want to be.
a cook.
no im not kidding.
i have this friend in shatec ( its shatec right?)
and i realise FOOD do play an important role
in my life.

yani.
OI.
WAKE UP.

huh?

im already awake la.
im not kidding.
i do want to be a cook.
a cooking photographer.
nice?
NO?
YES.

so how do i put this,
i want to quit school that i have spent almost 2 years now
and start my career as a amateur wedding photographer
and somehow be a self acclaim wonderful cook?

my gpa is gg to drop to below 2.0 now i think.
that is a D.
passing off with a D grade is the same as not passing at all right.
should i shut myself down and pretend that school
is the wonderfullest thing on earth
and that im coping well in it or should i just come
clean with my parents.
my mother in particular.
do u think she would understand and support me?

i really hope she would read this.
*sighs*
okay, i got to do my homework now.
im mean, again.

2006-12-22T23:05:00.000-08:00

my sister gave me a hello kitty wallet.

anyways,
went out with shanadhaz the other day.
we really had a good talk.
the thought of quitting school was
really bugging me for quite a while.
i was at the verge of letting go,
i was barely hanging in there.
im glad we talked about it
now i know im not alone.

im enlightened.
whatever it is, i NEED the diploma
that will keep me going.
hopefully.

we made plans for the future.

if god permits,
we will open up a business together
and then save up money to study in yemen
insya allah

2006-12-20T08:43:00.001-08:00

2006-12-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

been pretty busy with cca and life apparently.
school's a disaster.
i think my mum would probably disowned me
if she knew how bad my grades are.
and yes,
i have to let the world know.

lets just pray that she doesnt see this.

the problem with design is that its subjective.
right?

yes yani.
it is.

see, im such a idiotically optimistic arsehole.
(you don't have to agree you know)

anyways,
lets put school aside.
why roll in agony when i can jump in a stardust of joy.
(ok...i'll shut up now)

just got back from a short getaway trip from malaysia
yesterday. many many many problems.
but yet, it was oh la la la fun :)

thousands of pictures for me to load but it'll take forever
and i wanna sleep now. so next time.
or maybe next next time.
or maybe next next next time.

not like you care right?

2006-11-21T13:09:00.000-08:00

i can't wait for the week to be over.
yes 1 month of so called break is all that i ask for.

im yet to start ANYTHING for layout and design.
pat extended the deadline to friday
*phew*

in times like this,
1 day do make a whole lot of difference.

im enjoying pcombd.
odd but true.
actually im just excited to see how it will all turn out to be.
its on about project pitch btw.
and if our client really decides to buy our idea

KA-CHING!

hehe.

4 am and people are still online.
rushing through projects after projects.
i guess now i know why its called
deadline... yes our DEAD-line.

my mind is blank.
i just feel like stoning.
sometimes i just dun get it.

i'll be your audio slave